


Everyday Victuuri

by OfficialAverageBiscuit



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (specifically Yuuri's mom), 2006 discourse, Adorable Victor Nikiforov, Caramel, Childish Victor Nikiforov, Coffee, Crying Victor Nikiforov, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Katsuki Yuuri, Eggs, Established Relationship, Eventual Mila Babicheva/Sara Crispino, Eventual Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Fanboy Katsuki Yuuri, Fluff, Groping, Hiroko is (shamelessly) fave, I AM OBSESSED WITH YUURI MOTHERING YURIO IT'S NOT WEIRD, I SWEAR THIS ISN'T A CRACK FIC THE TAGS JUST ARE, I'm Sorry, IT'S A GOOD READ READ IT, Lesbians, Lime, M/M, Mom - Freeform, Oblivious Yuri Plisetsky, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pie, Possible eventual minako?, Protective Otabek Altin, Smut, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Victor has no comment on the issue, Yuri Plisetsky is a Brat, Yuri Plisetsky is a cunt, Yuuri doesn't want to constantly have sex, because im shameless, but it's just to irritate yurio, coffee saves the fucking day, concerning twitter accounts, constant ouran references, daddy - Freeform, dirty talk for about .002 seconds, doting house wife victor, i can explain, i love him tho, marriage kink?, momma katsuki yuuri, more texting, my boy hates mornings, obviously theres, okay to pander because no one's gonna read this otherwise i'm gonna tag, poor japanese grammar, possible side tumblrs, rated t for trashed yuuri, sarcastic daddy kink, sitcom references, sleeping, so much texting, the lesbians, this is so indulgent honestly, victuuri cant keep their hands off each other, why is this a common tag but "yuri calling otabek beka" isn't, yurio is gagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfficialAverageBiscuit/pseuds/OfficialAverageBiscuit
Summary: This is a little McDoot I'm bringing over from ff because fuck that shit.Anyhoo, I'm too lazy to do a decent summary, if you're looking for a sarcastic, loud, domestic, cursing fluff, this is the right place. This is a series of... whatever this is... going to be updated every Saturday. I SWEAR THIS IS N O T A CRACK FIC.Rated T for Trashed Yuuri and Touchy-feely Nikiforov.





	1. Morning Moments

**Author's Note:**

> here's this ya go my friend
> 
> (i'm surprised you got this far from what shit the summary and tags were)
> 
> Have fun!

Victor never got tired of that image, Yuuri sleepily wandering out of their bedroom, trying and failing to push his messy coal black hair out of his face, eyes watery with sleep. His eyes wandered over his husband, from his sleep-blurred movements to the marks over his inner thighs from the night before. Sexy, cute, wonderful, everything...

"Coffee." Yuuri hissed.

Victor's moment was gone. Yuuri glared angrily at Victor, apparently not sure what to do with himself either, before waddling into the kitchen scowling for no particular reason.

Victor smiled under his hands, which he had neatly folded at his chin; didn't want to chance provoking early-morning-Yuuri.

"He's perfect." Victor beamed. He wouldn't have Yuuri any other way.

Yuuri stumbled back into the breakfast room. Victor's home was much roomier than Yuuri's in Japan to say the least. Coffee now in hand, Yuuri at least seemed hospitable.

"Good morning, Prince Yuu~ri!" Victor chimed.

"Osu..." Yuuri grumbled in reply, much more concerned with his caffeine.

* * *

"Victor?"

"Yeah~?"

"Why are you such a 'doting house wife type'?"

"Umm... I don't know, I never thought about it, but I fit that I suppose... I guess I just sort of am? Why is it so odd?"

"Ah, well, you're the pitcher."

"What? What does that even mean?"

"Ah- if you don't know, nevermind."

* * *

"Yuri, what the hell is this?" Victor waved a container of coffee in Yuuri's face.

"Co-ffee?" Yuuri replied, setting down the article he had been reading online.

Victor erupted into a fit. "Coffee? Coffee? Yuuri, I have all the money in the world, and you go and buy supermarket brand instant horse crap! You don't even add milk, you barely add sugar, you monster! I demand you drink my coffee!"

Yuuri smiled. "Okay."

Victor stomped away, returning with his own cup. Yuuri accepted it and brought it to his lips.

"It's warm... And it's sugary and soft... It's comforting and it smells good." Yuuri murmured. "Like Victor..."

Victor quickly ended up on the floor.

Yuuri took another sip, smiling brightly.

"It's weak and fruity like you, too~!"


	2. Woozy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHWOOP AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT GOTTA BLAST ON MY MOM'S COMPUTER AT 930PM AND I'M ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE ON BIO HW AND GOOD THING I HAVE THIS PREWRITTEN AMIRITE GOTTA BLAST I'M HIGHKEY LYING TO MY MOM FOR YOU SORRY FOR LATE UPDATE MY BAD MY DUDES I AM JUST A SMOL (enter indiscriminate age here to avoid legality issues but lmao there's no for sure I'm not legal right *sweats* I write porn) YEAR OLD BOY LIKE MCYURIO (that fucking narrows it down) AND I LIKE TO PRETEND I'M LIKE 19 BUT LET'S NOT KID OURSELVES I GOT IN FROKM TROUBLE DUDES SO HERE YA GO I LOVE YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i had to go super sneaky spy for this i love you all my grandpa is like legit 5 feet away on the patio help
> 
> please comment
> 
> please kudos
> 
> please share

**Chapter Two: The Problem with The Real Drunk Yuuri is...**

"SO NO ONE TO~LD YOU LIFE WAS, GONNA BE THIS WAAA~Y!" Yuuri clapped furiously in Yuri Plisetsky's face, accentuating his fiery seriousness about the theme song from friends.

Yuri pushed Yuuri away by the face, snarling Russian curses.  _What a horrible drunk..._   _why do I have to babysit him? Couldn't someone else have stayed sober?_

"Your jobss a broke, you're joke~ YOUR LUF LIVES DEE OH AAAAAAye" Yuuri threw himself on Yuri, ruffling the younger skater's hair.

"Oi, Victor! Get this drunk pig off of me!" Yuri called, but Victor just laughed, overdoing his trademark flowy hand movements while pouring another drink.

"Victor! Help me!" Yuri screamed. Yuuri pinched Yuri's cheek roughly, emitting a horrified cry of disgust.

"That'ss no way to talk to your muther, Yurachka. You better check yourself little boy." Yuuri slurred.

Yuri started to violently protest all of the things that were horribly, horribly wrong with what Yuuri had just said, but Yuuri promptly pointed his finger to Yuri's nose.

"You don't talk back to MEE, you little shit. You think because I'm a little drunk I'm not aware? Welcome to the Yuuri held in by crippling anxiety, BITCH. Welcome to what I'm too nervous to say, BITCH. HASH TAG NO FILTER. See if you can call me a "loooo~saeer" again. Now, give mummy a kiss 'sorry'".

Yuri stared, slightly helpless. Yuuri held out his hand expectantly, weirdly intimidating compared to his usual self. Despite being shitfaced, Yuri expected him to be true to his threats.

Yuri kissed Yuuri's hand quietly. He won this time.

"Sorry, mama..."

Victor laughed in delight. "This is why I let him hear alcohol at all~ it always turns out wonderful. Good thing I hold drinks well... And I'll remember this."

Yuri glared, but before he could speak, Yuuri had him in a choke hold again.

"Oh, what a sweet boy! I'll buy you a kitty and a nice pastry, okay Yura~? Mommy loves you!" Yuuri kissed Yuri's forehead, who stared knives into Victor.

"You're not THAT much older than me, pig. I'll be an adult soon."

Yuuri glared sharply, causing Yuri's tough guy persona to break again.

"I mean...! You're not that much older than me... Mama..."

Yuuri's smile returned as suddenly as it had left. "What a sweet boy..." Yuuri spun off into a monologue of slurred Japanese, the words  _Okasaan_ ,  _Koneko, Odosan,_ and  _Hontou ni sugee desu yo nee~_  appearing a disturbing amount of times.

* * *

_-Victor_

**-Yes, Yuuri?**

_-What did I do?_

**-Last night? Being completely honest, things always happen with you. Don't worry, somehow you avoided molesting anyone. It was fairly clean... Fairly... Haha**

_-Victor, why is Yurio calling me Mommy? Why is heo_ _f all people scared of me? What the fuck?_

_-*He of all_

**-Ah, well, we may have adopted a rude lanky Russian child.**

_-I already have one of those lol_

**-Screw you.**

_-In all seriousness, this might not be so bad... He made me coffee, how cute... Hm, maybe I'll just marry him instead._

**-Don't be mean lol**

_-Oh don't you worry, I'll still keep you as my slave... Daddy_

_-Victor?_

_-I didn't kill you, did I? Lol_

_-I swear if you're posting this online..._

**-Find an excuse for him to leave for a few hours, hm?**

_-So nasty, lol. Let's schedule one of those hours to picking up some more eggs and milk, ok? We're almost out._

**-Yes ma'am**

_-Victor I'm going to strangle you._

**-Be gentle, "okaasan"**

_-Shut up and go buy eggs._

_-WAIT WAIT WHAT?! WHAT DID I SAY LAST NIGHT?!_

**-Can't talk, buying eggs, remember?**

**-Make sure he's out of the house by the time I get back, ok?**

_-You're gross lol. See you in a little while._

**-Loves**

_-PS his coffee is good, you're officially replaced_

**-Stop it I'm driving. Well I'm at a stoplight but I'm driving.**

**-Just stop it!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE YA GO I'LL MAKE THE NOTES AND SHIT PRETTY L8R I GOTTA BLAST MCGUYS PLEASE COMMENT I LOVE COMMENTS FUCK GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION ALSO I BASICALLY GAVE AWAY MY AGE BUT YES I ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT SEX AND DRUGS AND ALCOHOL I'M NOT OKAY FUCK OFF I KNOW SHIT SORRY FOR YELLING AHHHHHHHHHH I AM SLEEP DEPRIVED AND BEING A MCSNEAK
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT I LOVE YOU SORRY FOR DELAY


	3. Sucking Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snazzy
> 
> sexy
> 
> and really really stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck this is really late > u >;;;

"Mmm... hello, Mr. Yuuri Nikiforov." Victor slid his arms around Yuuri's waist, causing the latter to chuckle lightly.

"Victor, you're embarrassing me..." Yuuri continued stirring the soup he was making for lunch, attempting to ignore Victor, who buried his face in Yuuri's neck.

Yuuri yelped lightly when Victor bit at his ear. "But I just can't help it when you cook, it's so domestic and adorable."

Yuuri rolled his eyes, reaching to grab some more pepper to add. He sharply pushed his hips into Victor, causing a sardonic gasp and a laugh. "Oh, I can't resist you, Daddy." Yuuri moaned sarcastically.

"Can you not? I'm right fucking here." Yurio hissed from the dining room, pretending to gag.

* * *

"Hey, I'm heading out to walk Makkachin~." Victor called.

"Okay~" Yuuri called back from the living room.

Victor smiled.  _Just wait, love._

Around ten minutes later, Yuuri heard the door unlock and Victor enter. "How was your walk?" Yuuri called.

"Pretty good." Victor returned, walking into the living room. Yuuri set down his book and raised an eyebrow. Victor was hiding something poorly behind his back.

"What did you do?" Yuuri demanded.

Victor revealed a bouquet of blue and white roses, and Yuuri immediately hid his face in his hands.

" _Eternally my love_ " Victor smiled in very butchered Japanese.

 _"You're a fucking idiot_ " Yuuri replied in perfect Russian.

"Yuuri! So rude! Where did you learn that?!"

Yuuri looked away. "Yurio taught me. It's pretty useful, what with you around..." he trailed away.

"Yuuri~! And here I was trying to be nice!" Victor wailed.

Yuuri took the roses and apologized softly. "I'm joking, Victor, you just go so overboard~. I love them."

* * *

Yuuri leaned over his husband, who had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Vi~ctor." he softly poked his face.  _So pale, haha..._

Victor blinked softly, eyes filmy with sleep. "Hmm?"

"Open your mouth." Yuuri cooed.

Victor sighed, rubbing his eyes and complying.

Yuuri popped a caramel into his mouth, and Victor sleepily chewed. "Thank you..." he mumbled.

Yuuri held his hands to his face, holding in a fanboy squeal.  _It was worth waking him up! So cute!_

* * *

"May I join you?"

Yuuri glared sharply at Victor.

"No." he coldly rejected him, slamming the bathroom door.

Victor pouted, staring into the floor as Yuuri showered without him.


	4. Yuuri's Surprising(?) Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm sorry I'm so gosh darn late but things have been kind of extremely terrible lately :))))))))

Yuuri shifted against Victor, pulling up his feet to be further under the covers. "Hey sweetheart?"

Victor hummed in acknowledgement.

Yuuri smiled, blushing a little. "Well, it's kind of silly, but can I ask you a question as a fan?"

Victor laughed lightly. "Sure."

Yuuri reddened. "W-well, I wanted to know... You don't happen to have any baby pictures of you, do you? I mean, it's just that I... I run a fan page that I've had since before we met, and I thought..."

Victor bit his lip, trying and failing not to laugh. "... really?"

Yuuri pouted angrily. "Well, yes! Obviously I don't need to be on a fan page now, but I have people who expect me to post! I can't just leave, there's like 250,000 members..."

Victor sat up a little. "Really? 250,000?"

Yuuri nodded, embarrassed. "Yeah..."

"Wow..." Victor murmured, staring off into space.

"Yeah, well, can I just have some pictures?"

Victor grinned. "Of course."

Yuuri sighed as Victor laid back down. He snuggled back into Victor's arms. They sat quietly for a moment, and Yuuri began to close his eyes.

"Do they know who you are, though? I mean, as my husband, it's kind of expected you'd have information and photos most fans wouldn't, and-"

"No, Victor, they don't know who I am. Go to sleep."

Victor quietly apologized and closed his eyes.

"Yeah but like what exactly have you posted, have you been like taking sleeping pictures of me, or-"

"Victor."

"Sorry, yup, I'll shut up."

* * *

Phichit laughed as Yuuri mocked something in Japanese. Phichit hadn't seen Yuuri in quite a while, and Yuuri was now catching up with him. Yurio stared uncomfortably. He had the burning feeling Yuuri was talking about him. Suddenly, he heard something familiar.

" _'Iiee, chigaimasu.' Sou ka deshou? Koneko wa 'bosu', sou deshou ne? Boku wa 'kaasan', desu ka ne? Hontou ka iraira arimasen. Ma, demo suki de..."_

"That." Yurio suddenly interrupted. "What did you just say?"

Yuuri glanced to Phichit quickly. "Uh..."

Phichit shrugged. "Tell him."

Yuuri widened his eyes. "No!"

Yurio broke in again. "I know you're trying to make it seem like you were talking about sucking face with the old man to get me to stop asking. I know you're talking about me! I heard you say 'koneko' and 'kaasan' when you were drunk."

Yuuri laughed nervously. "Well... Do you want to know the truth?"

Yurio nodded, impatient.

"I was talking about how much of a brat you are."

* * *

Yuuri smiled as he set down the pie. "It's cooled now. I hope you like it."

Victor grinned devilishly. "Well aren't you domestic."

Yuuri lowered to Victor's ear. "You love me being your wife, don't you, you dirty perverted fuck. Well, how about after dessert you get some dessert, hm? Can't let your wife get restless."

He backed away, an innocent smile on his face. Victor shivered. Yuuri could be scary sometimes.

"Uhh... Y-yeah..."

Yuuri brightly beamed, spinning on his heel and strutting away, knowing precisely what he was doing. He wondered what a nice, cute and lacey apron would do to Victor.

He chuckled devilishly. All the right things.


	5. sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whups

turns out my grandma is dying of cancer, so I've been and will be taking care of her, so I doubt this'll get updated :))))

 

ahaha I just realized the notes right below after EVERY chapter don't really make sense.

**Author's Note:**

> wow u read the whole chapter dango. Ya they're gonna be that short.
> 
> hey you want some shameless self promotion? please share this if ya like it and ya can, please please please comment. 
> 
> thats it ya, im planning to do ten of these chapter... t h i n g s.


End file.
